*silence*

Time : 7.01 pm

Note to Huixian: Eh! Today is a holiday and where is my watch? I don't mind you getting the CK one for me, you know.. I can lend it to you from time to time too. Deal?

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I had always been an introvert from young. I kept to myself, maybe due to the fact that I am the only child. Nobody actually fights or plays with me, except for my dolls. Everything belongs to me and I am not accustomed to share.

Even in the Primary school days, I was still quiet. Aikchun always commented how much I had changed, from scarily-quiet Primary 6 little girl to scarily-noisy Secondary 4 big girl that I am now.

I changed when IRC found me around my late Secondary 1 years. I get to know more people than I can remember their names. Best friends came and went, but still.. I was never alone. Bossom friends, fair-weather friends, you name them, I had them.

But now? Friends still come and go, some friends are still with me through thick and thin, which I am very thankful of.

Perhaps I changed too much, and it's getting fake. Plastic material is not made to last.

I think I need to shut down for some time. I just can't afford any more loss of friends, you hear me?

I struggled and stuggled, the pain piercing through my heart, and I still managed to keep my cheery Yingting image. How did I manage, I don't know. All that I know it's really tough and I don't wanna act anymore.

I just wanna cry out loud.

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Amelia: Sorry for being so differently quiet just now. I just needed some time to myself. :)

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I heard this lyrics on my iPod when I was on my way to Amelia's just now.

(I forgot the song title) Memories that seemed so far..

Indeed. Memories. How I wish I can just live in the bittersweet past. I never thought that I would actually living in the past, but I am now. When I have nothing in mind, I just reminisce. I really need to keep myself occupied.

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Perhaps I am suffering from depression.

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DISCLAIMER: Shut up with your comments. I don't need them. I don't need you to tell me that I am pathetic now. I know this is unlike my usual style of blogging, but I just need to relieve alright? I'd be more than thankful if you'll shut up and say that I did not change or yada yada.
Like I always say, this is my blog. *grin menacingly*

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I'm sorry. I'm sorry for everything I did that I thought I was right. I'm sorry for assuming that this is my world, my rules. I'm sorry for being sucha bitch. I'm sorry for not cherishing what I once had. I'm sorry for not opening myself to my close friends. I'm sorry that my personality is whiny and complainy. I'm sorry that I fuss and choose. I'm sorry things didn't work out. I'm sorry for keeping to myself. I'm sorry for the sad note this post is getting. I'm sorry for being mean. I'm sorry for all my blogging errors. I'm sorry for blogging this shit.

I'm sorry.

Do you (applies to all) hear me?

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I just want to be with you once again. I just want you to say the sweet-nothings to me again. I just want you to kiss me again. I just want you to stop being angry with me. I just.. want you to talk to me.